I’m a lupus warrior and at the same time, I’m also a stroke survivor.
I didn’t know that it was going to happen to me. As in I don’t have a single idea it took me by surprise. But I had a premonition a few years back that something would happen to me. I saw myself that I’m going to have a brain injury. But I just shook it off. Not until now I understood what my imagination was going to happen.
I’m just a simple girl who had an over the top ambition for her family. I guess that was my fault. Ever since my father passed away, I always worked hard even in college so that I can give that good life to my mom. I was 16 then, my father died due to liver cancer. He left us, 3 kids and 1 adopted daughter but her fate went to a different direction. Now she has 3 kids with different fathers at the age of 22.
That’s the sad truth but when I was in college, I really aspired to graduate and luckily I did. And I worked for this prestigious company, Intercontinental Hotels Group as a Human Resource Coordinator but I was an agent first for like 6 months. I loved my work then, I was inspired to go to work even I was on graveyard shift. Being an HR Coordinator gave me a sense of worth. Aside from the benefits I had with working in IHG. I got my credit card and so I toured my family outside the country. We went to
Singapore to celebrate my mom’s 60th birthday for the many sacrifices she made. She deserves it. But little did I know that it took a toll on my health. But I want to make myself clear, I had no regrets or whatever. That’s how much I love them.
That’s why on March 2014, we went for a tour again, we went to Hong Kong & Macau with some of my friends and last June 2014 we went to Cambodia at Vietnam but I was feeling something was wrong. But you know me, I just shook it off. My friends even kid me about it, I told them what will I do to spend my money if I’m going to die, jokingly I said. Then we went back home I went to work right away and I had a training in Manila. But I’m not feeling well already. I had my check up right away because it’s already alarming on my part. The doctor’s she diagnosed me for Streptococci but I don’t have sour throat that time then I was referred to a different doctor but my body aches still. I thought it was just a simple flu and it was so rare that I was sick those time. Then we had a Fund raising event for the Victims of Typhoon Yolanda. August 4, 2014 my mom decided to bring me to the hospital because of continuous high grade fever, cough and colds. At first the hospital attendants are hesitant to confine me but my mom insisted. They even suspected me of having an HIV but I told them that’s impossible since I am still a virgin. Until the doctor made an order for me to have a CT scan & they found that my swollen lymph nodes in my neck and armpits. They ordered for a biopsy because I was now suspected of lymphoma or Hashimoto disease. Last August 17. I already checked out. I was already worried but my worst fear never ended there.
That’s why last September 22, 2014, my right foot suddenly weakened. I even fell down on the floor luckily both my brothers were at home & rescued me. & when I took a bath my hair started to shed. We went right away to the hospital to see a neurologist & recommended me for an MRI. But it didn’t push through because my other doctor needs to see me and confined me to a different hospital. She ordered me for a CT scan last September 23, 2014 & an ultra sound of my both feet. Then they found nothing
So last September 24 a rheumatologist checked on me and ordered for a Comprehensive Lupus Panel of my blood to my mom & brother. Then my brother Gelo took my blood to NKTI , Manila. But it was already late for me, because the night of the 24th I had a really bad head ache. Little did I know that I’m already having my stroke. Then I suddenly felt a weakening of my right arm as well but I didn’t tell it and shook it off again (typical me, I should say). Then we went home that night. And September 26 came I didn’t have a total recall of what happened that day up until now. My mom said that I was disoriented in our room because I was complaining of a really bad headache. Then I went to the bathroom and since the door is half open, so brother heard my fall then came in to rescued me then I couldn’t speak already. He brought me to our room & suddenly I snored then he told my mom, Ma, nastroke si Ate!. We asked for help at our store and searched for a car and rushed us to the hospital. At the hospital, they had my CT scan and there they’ve confirmed that I had a stroke with 7 small clots. But how could it be that this happened I was 29 when it happened. They said that my lupus caused this because it made my blood thicker and when it pumped through my brain …. poof it became coco crunch…. no I’m just kidding. Everyone was surprised from my office-mates, friends, batch mates, they all came to see me.
I was in the ICU for 19 days & 13 days in the semi private room. This were my crucial days in the hospital, because my family was praying for me if I can survive or not. Then lucky me I had a batch mate in elementary & high-school, she was a registered nurse & recommended Usana to us. After the fundraising for me I was as able to take this supplement but my mom had 2nd thought because she can’t pay for it but they had it for credit to us. Then on October 28 I was sent home by the doctors because they thought that my case was already hopeless & since I had a stomach bleeding then my lung collapsed. They thought I’m not going to survive it. My family thought that they were giving up (sigh). But 3 weeks came by and on the 3rd week at home my batch mate, Janice came to see me & then they saw me slowly regaining my consciousness back but a little disoriented & confused. The only thing that bothers me was that I couldn’t move my right side of my body. Then a few days had gone by I was depressed for I can’t accept what happened to me. I even asked God that it should have best if I died, because He can do me a favor specially my family than me being a burden.
I cried myself to sleep every night. Wishing I was dead, I’m sorry but this is what I really felt before. Then my mom invited a pastor to enlighten me, to talk some sense out of me that may be I still have a mission. And slowly I accepted things and understood my new life & circumstances. And on February 2015, I started to try practicing my trach so that I can talk & breath again. Something I thought that I couldn’t do I was able to breath on my own again. & on June 19, 2015 it was finally remove. And I’m so grateful to the Lord for not giving up on me even when I almost gave up to myself. Now I can walk with a cane and just waiting for my right arm to move. And especial credit goes to my family (mama, Arnold, Angelo, Anne, Aera & Andrei) for their love, patience, understanding and support to me. 😘
But all in all my faith saved me.
One can be a mom without mothering a child. There’s a quote by Donna Ball, ” Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing not sure what the right thing is … and forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” Well , I’m that I’m perfect. Then I’ve realized and took me 30 years to be a mother. But unfortunately for me it was already too late. See, I was diagnosed with Lupus & it’s difficult to bear a child. That’s a sad thing for us. But there’s an option of adoption o raising your own niece & nephew, and blessed me for having the two kids.
Audrey's Journey with the Lord 