What is this on my neck?

This is called a tracheotomy or a tracheostomy is an opening surgically created through the neck into the trachea (windpipe) to allow direct access to the breathing tube and is commonly done in an operating room under general anesthesia. A tube is usually placed through this opening to provide an airway and to remove secretions from the lungs. Breathing is done through the tracheostomy tube rather than through the nose and mouth. The term “tracheotomy” refers to the incision into the trachea (windpipe) that forms a temporary or permanent opening, which is called a “tracheostomy,” however; the terms are sometimes used interchangeably. (http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/tacheostomy/about/what.html)

It’s placed to my neck so I can breath properly. Though it has good intentions the kind of sufferings I had to endure like relying to this tube for breathing. It’s also very hard for me as in. When I had my brother clean it hurts sometime. And when it comes to practicing trying to breath on my own it’s so hard. Like I’m going to run out of air. There are times when I feel like I’m going to loose hope for trying. Several times I question myself why this is happening to me. I feel like I will never survive it. I can not even talk, so many tears were cried. I was so frustrated and I said enough of this suffering! I don.t want to feel this again.

Until one day the Lord finally answered my prayers. Not tong ago … my o.t. (occupational therapist) was trying to practice my speech then we were surprised by the voice that came out. There were tears of joy in his eyes. I can’t believe that after all the sufferings and hard work it finally paid off. And soon it will be removed. They say that sufferings are temporary. It teaches us to be strong.

My journey to 30…

In 2 months I will be 30 years old. I can’t believe what I went through. It’s a mixed emotions, my life. It’s full of adventure and surprises. Story of my life. I almost lost my life for 3 times. First when I was almost  9 years old I had a car accident and fractured my right leg and when I was 12 years old I had my asthma attack which was a severe asthma attack because of measles then I had pneumonia. But the last time was the  most severe one. When I had my brain stroke which was caused by Lupus.  My family and some of my closest friends thought that they going to loose me, but here I am so thankful to the Lord for keeping me alive and hoping to inspire others. I’m so blessed with a great family, good friends and supportive people around me. They are my source of strength. One may not comprehend what I’ve been through even me. I can not believe it that I survived and is able to share with you a piece of my life. I’m very close with my papa. I’am a papa’s girl but unfortunately we lost him 13 years ago because of liver cancer. Oh! The fun times I will forever cherish. I’ve learned so much from him and for that I thank him for what I became. Oh! I’ve experienced so many turmoil in my life but I’m facing it head on. Aside from the sad news of my life I also have the good ones. I’ll never forget my travels Hong Kong and Macau were just one of my unforgettable and followed by my Cambodia and Vietnam. It’s a humbling experience. Plus our first family’s out of country trip in Singapore. That one is for the books. Thank God for these opportunities! Over the years I’ve made a lot of friends and most of them I’ll treasure for life. I’ve made friends whom I thought will be hard to get along with but remained friends for life. I’m so thankful for my friends who never left me. They never gave up on me. In my 30 years of existence I’m so lucky to have them for my friends. I will forever be thankful. My family is so lucky to be by them in the times I was out. When it comes to matters of my heart, I’m not so lucky. Because I was so choosy and it even came to a point where I’m okay being single. But having a life changing experience can change my perspective on life, now I can say that I’m willing to give myself a chance. Entertain suitors that may come in the future. “perhaps you might know anyone interested?” Hehehe…

To sum my life, it’s not that perfect but it surely count.

she finally said something…

It’s been seven months before I heard her voice. I never thought of hearing it again but God was so good that He brought it aside from my life. I don’t remember the last thing word I even said. It’s so funny how much you realize when you were deprive of talking. What an experience I had?

Because of my tracheotomy I was not able to talk for awhile. It’s very hard to communicate with my family and friends. So I want to thank everyone who made it possible for me to regain my voice back. I owe my voice and not only my life to you. A big tap on your back. Like my brother always tell me “the journey is not easy but it’s going to be worth it” and it’s true. Today I swear to never go back to my old habits of neglecting myself. As I look back I’m kind of proud of myself all the hardships paid off but this is just the beginning I still have a long way to go through. We just need a positive view on things. And lastly, I’m so lucky with my family and great friends. You made it easy for me. So thank you! What a wonderful feeling?!

A letter to my mother

Dearest Mama,

I want to start my letter by saying a million thank you. I’m just lucky to have you and so blessed to have you by my side. I’m sorry that I’m not the daughter you asked for. From the very start I’m so sickly and weak. But with all my shortcomings you still love me nevertheless. I’m so sorry for being sick I promise you that I will take care of you but it turns out that you are still taking care of me.

Ma, I promise you that I’ll bring you to other places and that you will be financially independent. If only I did’n got sick I should be giving the kind of life that you deserve. Ma, you have sacrificed so much not only for me but for all us. I promise to get better soon. What can I ask for, you are already perfect. I appreciate all your sacrifices you made, all the hardships, and everything. Ma, Aera and Andrei are also so lucky to have you to take care of them. You are the epitome of unconditional love From you I learned what sacrifice is all about that it cannot be measured.And if one day I also become a mother, I want to be exactly like you.

I hope someday I can repay you Mama. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! And to all the loving mothers out the I salute you and a Happy Mother’s day to all of you!

Your loving daughter,

Dimples

My enemy called Lupus

What is lupus? (http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/lupus/)

Lupus is an autoimmune disease where the body’s immune system becomes hyperactive and attacks normal, healthy tissue. This results in symptoms such as inflammation, swelling, and damage to joints, skin, kidneys, blood, the heart, and lungs.

Under normal function, the immune system makes proteins called antibodies in order to protect and fight against antigens such as viruses and bacteria.

Lupus makes the immune system unable to differentiate between antigens (a substance capable of inducing a specific immune response) and healthy tissue. This leads the immune system to direct antibodies against the healthy tissue – not just antigens – causing swelling, pain, and tissue damage.

I actually found out of the traitor disease a while back.  At first my doctors can’t pin point what was causing my high grade fever and joint pains. I actually was shocked because all along I thought I that I was healthy. But little did I know that my lifestyle is already developing my lupus. Before I had this I was like a person who believes she can do anything that anyone asks from her, I stay late at the office, eats junk-food, neglecting my own health. My staying up late already took a toll with my health. If only I knew that this going to happen I should have been extra careful of myself.  Until suddenly my immune system started to crash down. And I just woke up from this bad dream that I had brain stroke.I didn’t know that I was hospitalize for 19 days in the NCCU (Neuro-Critical Care Unit) and another 13 days in semi-private care.

I wasn’t aware of this happening to me, that this is how severe the effect to me. Aside from it I also suffered other complications, I had stomach bleeding and my lungs collapsed. I don’t remember so my mom and my bother, Angelo had to explain it to me. Up until now I can’t believe that this happened to me. Though I appreciate the unexpected concern of people I know from my close friends to my former classmates to my office-mates and my former bosses in IHG and my teachers from grade school and highschool and colleagues and acquaintances my heart-felt gratitude.

I now know that no matter what you do your health should always be a priority. It took me a brain stroke for me to realize this. I hope that what happened to me is a learning experience to you. There is nothing wrong with working hard but please listen to your body.

And remember this that no matter what… you are not alone in this fight against Lupus.

My blessings

My family are my blessings. Without them I’m literally crippled especially now they stand as my legs and my voice. They are willing to lend a helping hand without expecting anything in return. Making them go through this battle with me, it just saddens me dragging them. I’ve caused them too much pain. But nevertheless, they still never left me. Oh, I’m just so lucky to have them.

They are my caregivers, my confidant, they are my strength. I’m lost without them. They are the very reason why I’m fighting my battle. They’ve sacrificed a lot to accommodate my present situation. And because of that I thank them with all of me. I owe them my life.